Best Words of Encouragement After a Breakup

in Breakup

Psychologists have searched for the best words of encouragement after a breakup, only to be met with negative responses from the one who has broken up. There is a tendency for the rejected lover to obsess on the past relationship and to reject anything counter to this focus. The primary question, of course, is what language can break this cycle and what language can lock the suffering lover into even a tighter ball of emotion, and, ultimately, what are the best words of encouragement after a breakup?

One thing rejected lovers do not want to hear is that you understand them. How can anyone possibly understand the suffering they are experiencing? Better to tell them you do not know their suffering but you are willing to listen. They do not want to hear that there are many fish in the sea. For the one with a broken relationship there is only one fish and that fish got away. They do not want to hear you describe the faults of the ex-lover that they were lazy, cruel, alcoholic, ugly, and penniless. They do not want to hear that they are less likely as a celibate to contract HIV. They do not want to hear that time heals all wounds or that this too shall pass. Well if all these words do not work, what are some of the more successful approaches?

Best Words of Encouragement After a Breakup For Effect

One approach uses shock to jolt the lover back into reality. Look directly into the eyes of the lover and shout: YES, YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED; NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? This is a risky but often effective choice of words. Realize that it could backfire and drive the sufferer deeper into their protective self. But in many cases, it will shock them out of focusing on their obsession. It promises to be the fastest words of encouragement after a breakup. It is a proven method to words of encouragement after a breakup.

After you deliver the shocker and you have the lover's attention, then you can use more moderate methods. In this case, do not worry about using the best words of encouragement after the breakup. Just have a conversation. For example, let us suppose that a middle aged man has had a high romantic episode for a year with a beautiful woman in her thirties. She later breaks up with him and the man is left wondering what went wrong. The therapist says to let her tell him something about women in their thirties. The thirties are a time of growth. Often these women have acted like children and have let the man make all decisions for her. But in the midst of her thirties she begins to try things on her own. She joins a women's group, she develops political opinions and she disagrees with her husband often. You see she is in transition and she may also wish to spread her wings sexually. She may wish to sow her wild oats. You come along while she is in this stage of development and change and you already have a volatile situation fomenting. You become part of her new found freedom. You become part of her experiment.

Best Words of Encouragement After a Breakup Includes Classic Literature

It is a good idea to periodically determine if the narrative has made a mark. In this way, the advisor can gauge the effectiveness of his word choice in finding the proven method to words of encouragement after a breakup. At this point in the advisement it is best to let the person vent. You do not have to agree or disagree with the person. At this stage, the advisor can begin to shift the focus away from the obsession with the recent breakup and toward classical literature. For example, the person says that the conflict between families accounted for much of the breakup. You point out parallels with Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, or supposing the person says there was deception in their relationship, then you site parallels with Troilus and Cresside. In a more modern period, it would be appropriate to go with Madame Bovary. If the person is focused on jealousy and he wants to punish his beloved for her betrayals or imagined betrayals, you have him read Othello.

These story telling strategies are designed to draw the person out of focus on himself and his obsessions and redirect it to powerful stories that are universal. He will begin to see that he is not alone. If he has a murderous temperament and he is driven to possess women for political purposes, direct him to Richard the Third. All these strategies are designed to use the best words of encouragement after a breakup.

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Michael Greene has 1 articles online

Finding the most effective relationship help is always difficult, but the chances for a positive outcome can be increased by putting an emotionally healthy plan in action. Many more positive suggestions on increasing the chances of developing a workable solution can be found at Breakup Advice.

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This article was published on 2010/03/27
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